Self-Care

Listening in to the toll…

When we sit with clients and do EFT, as Dr. Kathryn Rheem says, we loan them our nervous system to process their pain through our nervous system so that we can help them process it, get clear on it, distill it, and share it more clearly (from a place of primary emotion, soft and vulnerable) back to their partner. And that means we have to get in lymbic resonance. We have to feel it too … their pain, fear, sadness, all of it. We physically and emotionally feel the weight of it as we join them, and we get drained too. That means we can’t be “therapy robots” and do session after session, hour after hour on the hour, in this precious work of helping people transform their bonds.

What do you need for your self-care plan? Consider adding something from each of these categories (not as an “ought”, “should”, or burden, but as a gift to yourself):

1. Proper sleep - Research shows adults need at least 8 hours of sleep daily and with consistent bedding/waking times (good sleep hygiene!).

2. Healthy regular eating/nutrition/hydrating - to nourish your body, and plenty of water each day. Consider “eating the rainbow” to bring balance in your nutrition!

3. Exercise (at least 20-30 minutes at least 3 times a week spread out so that there is not more than 60 hours (2-1/2 days) in between or your metabolism loses the benefits)

4. Set boundaries on work time - Don’t be endlessly available. Do good closure (such as with your progress notes) at the end of each day/session so that when you go you can really go (even mentally). Make sure to have some time away from work and the treadmill of “oughts” to renew and recharge. Don’t answer phone calls during meals. Give yourself permission to be “off duty” sometimes. It is healthy and necessary!

5. Renewal/Play - Have at least some time every week when you can, in a free manner, engage in some activities that are truly life-giving for you and recharge you. What gives you life? Time outdoors? Being in nature? Time with cherished others? Connecting with your pets? Doing certain hobbies? Listening to music, singing, or playing an instrument? Creating something? Making art? Going for a hike or bike ride? A walk with your special person? Other exercise? Make a list of activities that give you life, then make sure to schedule time to do them weekly! And do them not as an “ought” but as a life-giving need which you deserve to have met! At first it might feel hard to give yourself permission, and then it will become a delightful time to anticipate!

6. Social supports - prioritize time to lean in to close, trusted others (load sharing!), as well as playful, recharging connections (games, laughter). Make space for family and friends, and be sure to diversify your supports, so if some people aren’t available when you need someone, there is always another you can lean into.

7. Laugh and let yourself engage in humor.

8. Do relaxing things that soothe your nervous system: Pet animals, touch soft things (like silk or fleece!), burn a fragrant candle, enjoy scented hand cream in a mindful manner, listen to a waterfall or birdsong, let your eyes take in the calming greens of nature, practice meditation or mindfulness, the list is endless. If you are wanting a great relaxation exercise, try this Focus and Release exercise!

9. Engage your mind in something invigorating - read a book (for fun, for education, whatever pleases you!), learn something new, enter into a new story.

10. If faith or spirituality is important to you, make time to nurture your attachment and connection to God/the Divine, and, if it is life-giving for you, grow in the context of a like-minded faith community which can encourage you and build you up.

If you’d rather have the picture version …